RIP my love.

So...I'm pretty sure this site is dead now.

I know most people don't like to say "I told you so", but...on this occasion, I am not one of those people.

I. Told. You. So.

So yeah.

*insert tumbleweed here*

Funky Chicken.

Camp was AWESOME. Hands down, the best thing I have done all year.

I don't actually have time to blog about it (as, you know, skipping a whole week of uni means I have a fair bit to catch up on).

But I just needed to point that out.

Along with the fact that musicians are easily the best people on earth.

:D

There are photos on my MySpace. You should check 'em out. Yep. Fo' sure.

Don't Cry For Me Argentina (or Kids of Springfield, depending on what floats your boat)

Hey bloggerbimbies.

So, it is my sad, sad duty to inform you that I won't be online this week. Tragic, I know. Yes, I realise it impacts upon each of your lives ever so much.

Yes, I'm being sarcastic, don't worry, I'm not that self-centered.

But still, I thought I could still blog about it. You see, from tomorrow till Thursday night, I'm going to Jamberoo Valley Lodge to be a music tutor for Junior Music camp (yes, I am intentionally calling it "music camp" as opposed to "band camp" for very, very obvious reasons. And before you ask, yes, there will be flutes, no, I will not be playing them). It sounds like fun, I'm rather excited. :) I mean, not ONLY am I getting a whole week off uni (at the worst possible time, it's true, but still), but I'll also be spending a week playing music for a few hours each day, then bludging and swimming and having fun for the rest of the time, and getting the opportunity to meet some new (and hopefully, good) people and do something I actually enjoy. So I'm hoping it'll be fun times ahead. Of course, it could always turn out to be super crap (like almost any other camp I've been on to date), but what the hey, I'd rather be optimistic right now.

Anyways. Have a good week everyone, and if you're really nice (read: actually interested), I may blog about the experience. (Heh. I've never actually HAD something non-stupid to blog about before, haha.)

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Why it's important to brush your teeth twice a day.

So this is the next topic I have been ordered to write about. But seriously, I can sum up the reasons for this in three simple pictures...

Um, ew.

That made me feel sick. I couldn't even bring myself to click on the image link to get the full size pictures. The small ones were bad enough. In fact, I refuse to scroll up and look at those pictures again.

Anyway. THAT is why you should brush your teeth daily. Besides, it's really not that difficult. I'll even give you a how-to guide, all thanks to Sipho, Thandi, Jan, Marieke and the naughty, inappropriate, touchy-feely, toothbrush-groping Zodwa.

See that? Easy. Sure, the mother of those children must have really slept around with many different men of different races around the world, but who cares, those children have excellent dental habits. (Or maybe the parents were just really fond of adoption.)

So basically, unless you:

• Have a desire to look like one of those clowns you throw balls into at fairs
• Enjoy the fragrant aroma of garbage-dump-esque proportions every time you open your mouth
• Have a soft spot for the colour parchment. In your mouth
• Like playing "whack the beaver", where the gaps in your teeth are beaver holes and your tongue is the beaver
• Enjoy growing plants of the not-so-strictly-edible variety in your mouth
  
• Aspire to have no friends. Or family. Or work colleagues. Or acquaintances
• Aspire to end up in a blog like this someday

BRUSH YOUR GODDAMN TEETH.

Thank you.

Why everybody who is studying law should kill themselves right now

I feel strange writing this, as I don't actually study law. But hey. A request is a request. If you have any others, feel free to lodge your request in comment form. I think there's two others I have to write first, but I will get around to you eventually.

NB: Yes, I did study legal, I do know that in Australia there are no such things as "lawyers". But seriously, it gets hella annoying writing "barristers/solicitors" in every point. Lawyers is so much quicker. So just...for the next five minutes (or however long it takes you to read this) pretend you're American. Thank you. Much appreciated.

NBB: No offence is intended to any law students or wannabe law students. Blame Jess. It's all her fault.

10 Reasons Why Everybody Studying Law Should Kill Themselves:

1. Law is a shit and unnecessarily difficult course, therefore all those studying it would actually be doing themselves a favour.
2. Law is a shit and unnecessarily expensive course, and it's highly likely that (unless by some freako chance you actually score a decent, high-paying job...but the odds of that a slim, as there are too many lawyers, and not enough of said decent, high-paying jobs...) your children's children's children will still be trying to pay back your uni fees. Save them the pain.
   
3. There are too many lawyers/solicitors/barristers out there. Seriously. We don't need any more.
4. The world would actually be a better place without lawyers/barristers/solicitors in it. I mean, think about it. Firstly, lawyers are the scum of the earth. That's one point. And secondly, people might ACTUALLY be forced to solve their own problems. In family law matters, this would be particularly good, as everyone would stop sueing each other for ridiculous reasons, and thereby might actually develop some common decency.
5. The absence of these people would mean more available resources for the rest of the students at UOW. In other words, less people hogging up space in the UniBar, library, duck ponds and coffee facilities, greater access to hard-to-steal outdoor tables and chairs, and more classrooms available so that people in the, say, Education department, don't have to have classes in the shitty demountables at the back of the uni (read: middle of nowhere).
   
6. No law students (and hence, no lawyers) could potentially cause a raise in the wages/salaries of other occupations. Seriously, lawyers earn way too much. That money could be better spent on providing other occupations with a higher pay packet, such as TEACHERS or nurses or whatever, considering that their services are exponentially more valuable.
   
7. There would be a decrease in the amount of shitty law-themed movies and television shows. If there were no law students, there would be no lawyers, and therefore everyone would eventually forget what a lawyer actually is. Which would swiftly put an end to shitty court-room dramas, and excessively long movies of a similar variety. A prime example of this would mean no more films like Philadelphia. And that would not be a loss AT ALL.
   
8. The rainforests would be saved. Have you ever seen those law text books?? There is easily five trees worth of paper contained in each one. If law students killed themselves, then we wouldn't need to produce the text books anymore, and thus trees around the world would be saved. PLUS everything that solicitors/barristers do in the future need to be recorded on paper. PAPER. And when you consider how many disputes there are daily, that's a hell of a lot of paper. Again, pointless waste of natural resources.
   
9. Global warming and climate change effects would be minimised, if not eventually reversed. See above. If we weren't killing the trees, then would still be available to offset carbon dioxide emissions, and our world wouldn't be doomed to hell.
10. And finally... No one worth knowing studies law, so it's really no loss at all.
    

Really.

(Bahahahahahahahaaaa.)

:)

Her name is Jessica Anne.

Earlier in the life-span of this blog, I made the promise that if anybody told me what they wanted me to blog about, I would duly blog about it. Well. Upon posting that, I received a request from one Jessmindalala, stating:

"I think you should blog about me.

Like, a whole post dedicated to me.

Get creative.

(But nice creative; not mean...)"

So, as duly requested, here is a whole blog dedicated to Jessica. (See. I do good on my word. As painful as it is to blog a whole freaking post about Jess, I'm still doing it. SO THERE.) In fact, this is actually an ode to Jessica.

I call it: "Her name is Jessica Anne". (In case you didn't pick that up by the blog title).

And this song should be sung to the tune of "Working Class Man", by Jimmy Barnes.

(Please note: In order to make this song rhyme, I had to use Jess’ middle name, even though I have never referred to Jess as “Jessica Anne” in my entire life. But hey. The things we do for art. Or music. Or boredom. Or whatever.)

So without further ado, may I present you with...

Her Name Is Jessica Anne.

Procrastinating hard to make a living,
Not even on the minimum wage,
Her boss seems shit, but she puts up with it,
Hoping she’ll work for Cold Rock someday.
Woah-oh-oh-oh, her name is Jessica Anne.

*inspirational music interlude*

She’s memorised the Harry Potter series.
And admits she’d go Jason Mraz,
Her r’s look like v’s, much too my displease,
But she can write pointless lists with pizzazz.
Woah-oh-oh-oh, her name is Jessica Anne.

Woah, woah, woah.

She played Jesus in a movie (woah-oh-oh)
And once lived in a cave (woah-oh-oh)
Was a princess far west,
But still got lost in the local tropical rainforest (woah-oh-oh)
She’s a simple girl,
With a bladder that’s always full and on demand.

Woah.
Her name is Jessica Anne.

She studies law at Wollongong Uni,
And is a champion of the midnight e-mail,
Every assignment, is left to the last minute,
But she still manages not to fail.
She’s a spelling and grammar nazi,
So unless you want a fight,
Make sure it’s ‘i' before ‘e’, except after ‘c’,
And dear god, use your apostrophes right,
Woah-oh-oh-oh, her name is Jessica Anne.

Ohhhhh yeah, yes it is.
Well her name is Jessica Anne.
Ohh, ohh ohh oh,
I tell you she is Jessica Anne!

*repeat and fade*

How to build a container that will, without fail, protect a raw egg from cracking when dropped from the top of a two storey building.

MATERIALS:

• 1 egg
• A Styrofoam cup
  
• Lots of bubble wrap
• Numerous straws
• A whole roll of sticky tape (you WILL need it)
• Scissors
• A pen or marker of some description

PROCEDURE:

Step 1: Draw a face on the egg. Very important. Smiley faces are ideal.

Step 2: Name the egg.

Step 3: Cut off a piece of bubble wrap. Pop all the bubbles - because you know you want to, and so if you do it now, you'll get it out of your system.

Step 4: Cut off another piece of bubble wrap that is quite long. Wrap the egg in the bubble wrap, making sure that there is a really thick, even amount of bubble wrap surrounding the entire egg. To secure, wrap the bubble-wrapped egg in sticky tape. There is no such thing as "too much sticky tape" in this step.

Step 5: Shove the egg-bubble-wrap into a Styrofoam cup. (May require some force. But don't crack the egg). Secure top and sides with more bubble-wrap. Secure bubble-wrap with more sticky tape.

Step 6: Get straws and secure them (with STICKYTAPE!) so that they run along the sides of the cup. Four is all that is needed initially. This serves two purposes. Firstly, the idea is, that when the egg-machine-thing falls, the straws will let it bounce, and the egg will not be harmed by such the impact force of hitting the concrete from a two storey height. Secondly, it makes it look like a space ship from Star Trek.

Step 7: Add more straws (WITH STICKYTAAAAAPE!) horizontally on the sides. Serves same purposes as above. Then add more sticky tape for the hell of it. Your final product should look something like this:


Step 8: Drop your Star Trek machine egg container thing from the top of a two storey building on to concrete. IT WON'T CRACK - GUARANTEED.






...yes, this is what we do in Primary Education.